Saturday, July 6, 2013

Top 10 She's Just Not That Into You:

Top 10 She's Just Not That Into You:

How can you tell if she’s just not that into you? C'mon guys, this is not rocket science... but since you asked, here are the top 10 things to ponder if you think the current object of your affections may not have you as high on her priority list as you think you'd like to be...

1. She doesn’t bring you coffee in bed

Okay, so it might not be specifically bringing you 'coffee in bed.' This could be exchanged for any unique, thoughtful act of kindness that she does specifically for you and no one else. If she's not doing something especially nice for you, she's still looking for the right person to do something special for.

2. She makes plans that don’t include you

We're not talking about her regular meeting with her female-friends after work. It's a given that you both should have time with your friends while you're seeing each other, that's healthy. But, if she's taking vacations, spending the week with, "a friend," is spending time shopping for something huge, is going to shows or concerts without you, then there's a good chance that she’s just not that into you.

3. She has ex- hang-ups i.e., “My ex used to, so I…”

Talking about the ex- is a relationship killer anyway, but if she ever compares you to her ex- then that is a clear indication that she already envisions you as being an ex- in her near future also. Don't feel as though you were blindsided when she tells you she's moving on... She's probably actively looking for her "next" right now.

4. She doesn’t participate in your serious activities

You invite her to participate in your events i.e., an awards ceremony, ball game, jam session, public or private event, etc... and she more often than not has an excuse or something else to do... That's another red flag. If she was into you, she'd want to participate in all (okay, maybe not all) those things with you, because that's what we do, when we're into you.

5. She pays more attention to her cell phone than you

If you're trying to carry on a conversation with her and she's rarely looking up from playing "Words with Friends" or texting her girlfriends, this is a sign that you are incapable of holding her attention, and that likely is also true for her affection. She's waiting for someone to text her who is more interesting to her than you are.

6. She values the advice of others over conferring with you

If she's facing important decisions, or traumatic events in her life and she's seeking her advice from professionals or friends without asking you for your input... You guessed it: She does not value your opinion, or worse yet, may not trust you at all.

7. She doesn’t help you & covers up with, “I believe you’ll figure it out.”

What if you have issues in your life... and you've overtly hinted that you could use some input, support, or even some of her assistance in dealing with a pressing situation? If she shuns you with her expressed faith in your having the ability to handle it alone... then guess what? She doesn't care, and you are on your own.

8. She’s unmotivated, sexually, i.e., you go the extra mile, and she doesn’t

What takes place when the lights go out can give you a clear indication of what's going on inside of her. If your performance level is fairly high, and you're motivated to please her, even to be a little outside-the-box for her benefit; and she's not returning the sexual stimulation in kind: then there's a good chance you're just a temporary bed warmer.

9. She doesn’t reciprocate i.e., maintain a 50% investment in the relationship

Notwithstanding any strange financial debacle or huge gap in socio-economic circles, nowadays, it is perfectly fine for her to offer to pay once and a while, and if she does offer, then you should suck it up and graciously allow her to show how much she cares about you. If she's into you, she will gladly desire to pull her own weight. If you're always paying for lunch, better be aware that you might be just that; a free lunch... and that's all.

10. She’s not into your interests/activities, i.e., doesn’t sing (or even care to know) any of your songs

If you're a sports fanatic, even if she doesn't like sports, she will make an effort to get to know something about your favorite teams and players. It's what we do. If you're into her, you take the time to notice what spices she likes, what kind of wine she drinks, what stores she likes to shop at, and might even concede to watch some television programming that she prefers. It needs to be the same with you, too. If she's not a friend or a fan, or unwilling to even feign interest, then there's not much to look forward to.

Copyright © 2013 Shirli Kieffer, All Rights Reserved

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